The Questions

It’s in my chest, Pressure, like a balloon inflating. Every time she’s near me. Every time she touches me I feel it, that fire that starts to burn in my soul. I stop breathing; I close my eyes, exhaling gets hard. I stop time, I stop life, Nothing else maters at that moment but the feeling in my heart.

A feeling like the sun, you hold in your soul because it’s warm, but it burns you, it slowly melts you away, but without it your cold. Without it your floating in an empty space, nothing to tie you down, no land to fall too. Flashes of her face go through your mind, her eyes,

 Oh those eyes,

 And her smile,

 Seeing that smiles brings me more joy then is humanly possible, it’s purely and act of God.

 Then you remember, you realize, that she will never feel the same way about you. The feeling you have then starts to feel incomplete. You realize that there’s nothing keeping this flame in your soul a float. It gets heavy and sinks down into your stomach. Replacing it is the void, that black hole of emptiness that seems to suck your joy and life away. It slowly sucks away all the hope you had. Your hope was great, so it took many moons to do. But now all that’s left is loneliness, loneliness in that spot where you once felt the biter sweet taste of love. You feel the warmth of friendship; it’s a friendship like you have never felt before. Though it leaves you confused. The lines of love start to cross. You wonder; what is love? How can there be different kinds of love? How do I distinguish lust from love? Emotions in your heart sway like trees in the wind, side to side decisions made and then broken.

 Confusion and fear take over. I want to love her, I want to have love for her as pure as falling snow flake. But do I love her? What do I want from her? Why is it so important for me too feel her soft lips against mine? To hold her hand, her hand like drops of rain, her skin so soft. Why can I not be satisfied with what I have? Why can I not be satisfied with friendship?

 You are satisfied with friendship.

 I am?

 Yes. Love is love. People may say that there are different kinds, but it’s all the same. You need love and that need is being met. She loves you. What you’re lacking is happiness, and that can not be met by a person. People change and take your happiness with them. You must find happiness with in your self.

 I need happiness in myself.

Yes, you do. What makes you happy? Find it and hold on to that. Use that to fill up the hole in your gut. Then one day you can share your happiness with another. Happiness is not made by two people. Happiness is shared by two people. Find happiness then find someone else who is happy. Spread the joy.